I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
