I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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