You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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