I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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