Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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