i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
