i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
