Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
