so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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