His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
