well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
