I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
