You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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