i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
