What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.