Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
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I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always