I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
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I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.