Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
