i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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