Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
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you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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