i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
