My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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