the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize