dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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