like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
