In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
