Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
