also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He? As in you personified your dick?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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