I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
