in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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