Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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