lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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