so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
