her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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