I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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