So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize