I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
pray to the hookup gods
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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