he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
