U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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