p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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