I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
