My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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