I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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