I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
