Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
