just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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