she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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