I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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