you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
