I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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