mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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