Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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