I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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