Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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