I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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