It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
