I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
