Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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