If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
