Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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