He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
